LEAGUE STANDINGS

Smells like Updog in here: By updog I mean upset. Because this week had a lot of upsets. 4 out of 5 matchups this week resulted in victories for the team with the worse record, only narrowing the gap between the top dogs and the bottom feeders as we head down the stretch of the season. Big news this week is that Cam is back in Carolina, to take over after Darnold made sloppy brown all over the franchise.

Game Results

Chafey's Buff Boys 134.76 - 83.96 Boof's Beefy Boys

In a clash between the Buff Boys and the Beefy Boys, we search for the answer to the eternal question: Is it better to be Beefy, or Buff? Look no further for the answer, as the Buff Boys took the Beefmen out back to teach them a lesson this week. Led the Dak/CeeDee stack, the Buff Boys took a big lead in the early games, and Boof was unable to rally the troops to mount a comeback. Matty Ice is this weeks biggest loser, it turns out that getting less than one point from the QB position is not a winning strategy. The Beefy Boys still retain their top spot in the West, however, and are still up there with the Boob Plowers as ESPN's favorite to win the Championship.

Jtopia FC 113.54 - 103.26 Team Pup N Suds

Nobody Panic, but Jtopia Football Club is on a winning streak. That's right, for the second week in a row, The Football Club has found its way on the winning side of a fantasy football game. If that wasn't enough to scare you, ESPN now puts him at a 1% chance of making the playoffs (up from 0%). The pups can blame this loss on their receiving corps, as AJ Brown was hot brown, and Tyler Lockett was Locketd down (Placeholder joke, come up with funnier joke before publishing). Jay can thank Antonio Gibson for finally doing something, and Jakobi Meyers (cousin to our very own Carter!) for getting his first career touchdown, after claiming the record for most reception yars without a TD.

MingusBluesBoys 81.74 - 112.66 Reno's Zombies

"Grahhhhhrhhrrgggggg" - A representative from the Zombies exclaimed, when asked about their big win this week. For the second time in three weeks, the manager-less Zombies have defeated their opponent, and this time Mingus draws the short straw. Unfortunately for Mingus, he draws the Zombies in a week where Patrick Mahomes remembered he is not actually Nathan Peterman, and had some unfavorable luck with a Gesecki goose egg. Also working against Mingus was DK Meat Calves, who decided to pulled a Rose from Titanic by whispering to defenders "I'll never let go" while grabbing their facemasks. The Blues Boys are still in the thick of it for the playoff race, and will be looking to bounce back against the Pups next week.

Motor City Raw Dogs 93.6 - 86.78 Jokers

May we be Safe from... Deebo. The Raw Dogs and the Jokers battle for the top spot in the East Division this week, and both teams took similar trajectories with a WR coming up big in the points column. This has to be a tough one to swallow for the Jokers, as they were sitting around high-fiving each other (similar to when Joe Gatto gets 100 high fives from a stranger in S8E11) on Sunday Night. However, a HUGE game from Deebo Samuel on MNF catapults the Raw Dogs into the Victory to save the day. The Jokers had struck gold with Mike Williams, but affter 4 rough weeks, he is looking less like a diamond in the rough and more like a penis in the butt.

Team Guy Myers 94.02 - 142.34 Boob Plowers

The prodigal sons return for Guy Myers, as Christian McCaffrey and Russell Wilson are back and ready to make some noise. For Wilson, that noise was more of a slow leaking fart that your try to hide at dinner but your mom's chairs are squeaky as hell and everyone at the table hears your pitiful attempt at making brown air. For the Plowers, this week was a warm welcome and a return to form, after having a worrisome 4-game skid following his dominant start to the season. Just about everyone performed at or above their projected points for the squad, and he recieved a seasonal boost for playing Rudolph as we approach egg nog SZN. See Connor's meme of the week for a good idea of what Carter looked like receiving the league's first Boob Plowing in 4 weeks.

The DOMS Report - A Mingus Production

“If we activate Halo’s Defenses, we can wipe them out.” Patrick Mahomes to Travis Kelce before a go route.

Here are this week’s killjoys.

• Aaron Jones of Green Bay was ruled out with a knee injury. An MRI should show how serious the damage is. According to team physician, Joe Rogan, Jones will be on a regimen of Kombucha and wild berry skittles mixed with rubbing alcohol and robitussin. He should be back to action soon, or dead.

• Colt McCoy was injured in the Cardinals loss. With Kyler Murray still on the mend, it should be interesting to see who fields the Cardinals offense this week. It has been reported that Kyler is receiving midichlorian therapy, but these rumors have not been validated.

• Chase Young of the Washington football team suffered what looked to be a serious knee injury. Seems like the Football team cannot get out from under the curse of a racist name. It has been reported that Chase Young may have committed south fluid desecration over a Native American burial ground.

• CeeDee Lamb was injured in the rout of the Falcons on Sunday. With his status up in the air, the Cowboys are considering signing DVD Sheep to the wide receiver room.

• Baker Mayfield injured his knee in the Browns thudding by the Patriots. Baker can’t seem to stay healthy, and many people believe that Odell Beckham Jr., upon leaving team facilities, may have set off Nova 6 gas within the vending machine that contains Baker’s favorite flavor of Body Armour sports drink.

Connor's Meme of the week